When your ex is a piece of…. 

SHIT!! 

Which unfortunately mine is,  it just really makes you feel even worse about the damage caused to those you love.  

If not for me my live-in boyfriend, aka hubs, wouldn’t be paying the ultimate price.  He is an incredibly hard working man who literally has no spare time for any of life’s enjoyments and no means to even enjoy them any way.  

His truck is falling apart one stupid bolt at a time and he has to fix/jerry-rig some damn thing at least once a week.  That truck is the most important tool in his arsenal.  As a contractor being without a truck pretty much makes work impossible.  

He’s had so many tools stolen from job sites and has had to replace them with cheaper,  more damaged tools bought from Craigslist or Facebook pages, just to save a few dollars and be able to finish a job.  

He literally has nothing to show for all his hard work and long hours. 

He provides for  five children and my mentally deranged disabled ass and rarely,  and I mean RARELY, complains.  He gets up super early and goes to work,  to return most nights,  MOST,  after 8pm to a house in turmoil and ruin with no dinner to be had, and goes to bed by 9pm only to do is all again tomorrow.  7 days a week.  

We just learned that he won’t even be receiving a Christmas bonus.  Which is just a serious slap in the face.  Most of the jobs he works on for this person are ill supplied with materials and extremely behind schedule and hubs pulls it all off seamlessly.  You’d think an iota of appreciate,  especially at Christmas,  would be given.  I know he’s hurt by it.  I’m hurt for him.  

Meanwhile my ex husband, aka POS, skates by in life unharmed by his failings.  He hasn’t paid child support in months.  And we all know he’s just going to win Christmas hero award as usual when we’ve struggled to get even a few measely gifts while still supplying electricity,  housing,  heat, and food.  

We don’t even want to be recognised so much as he just doesn’t deserve to be for doing absolutely zero.  I’ve never actually hated an actual person until these past 20 years or so and the literal hate is eating me up.  I’ve always hated many of his actions but lately it feels like I just have nothing but black hate in my heart and head for him.  

If it weren’t for my mistakes and failings in the past I doubt we’d be in the current situation we find ourselves.  If it weren’t for those mistakes and failings Hubs would be much more content and less depressed.  

If it weren’t for those mistakes and failings we never would’ve met.  

Which may or may not be a good thing depending on which one of us you ask.  

Sincerly

Trying to keep my Christmas spirit 

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