Well color me surprised

So at 3pm this afternoon a boiler was delivered. Yay!

At 6pm three of the landlords goons, aka maintenance guys, showed up to bring it to the basement. With them was the kid, seriously like 20-ish, who claimed to be the plumber. UGH! He then tells me it will be Monday or Tuesday when he is able to return and install said boiler.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

So we’re still looking at 3-4 more days until installation, then how long til the gas company can send a Master Plumber to inspect and connect the tanks? It wont be lickety split I can assure you that.

One of the electric heaters burnt out earlier today so Hubs had to go buy a new one. To be honest it works better than the one it replaced so that’s a bonus.

All this friggin stress caused a migraine to flare all friggin day. I was finally able to beat it into submission about an hour ago. I’m still stuck on the couch now from all the residual pain it caused in my body. Its literally exhausting. I hate it.wpid-wp-1442031335391.jpeg

 

I’m really trying to stay positive. I’m trying to keep the Christmas spirit alive. Its hard. My head is filled with so many dark thoughts. Its incredibly difficult to keep going, to keep fighting, when all I wanna do is give up. Trying to force positivity into my head is a constant battle.

Throwing in the towel is so much easier. Isnt it?

I never could. I never would. If it weren’t for my kids I would have a long time ago but they deserve so much better than that. They deserve a mom who can provide for them. A mom who doesn’t struggle just to get out of bed everyday, or one who can’t do a damn thing with them most days because of the chronic pain and migraines.

Will I ever get well? My biggest fear is that this is my life now. That this is here to stay for good. It just seems to get worse, more things keep happening and piling on.

I was hit with Vertigo last week and it was so awful. Doc says its here to stay. Much like kidney stones and pneumonia, once you get it you are prone to get it more often.

Of course the more things that add on and the more stress that is created just ends up making my depression and anxiety go through the roof. I’ve lost so many damn days, moments, memories because of all this shit.

Just go away. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!

I hate my brain. I hate my body. I just want to be well again.

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