So Yea, Cucumber Water? Is The Shit!

Who knew? 

Confession: I’m a Diet Coke junkie. *GASP*  I have been since I was a kid. Now dont go getting judgy on me. My kids are only allowed soda (in moderation) on special occasions or once or twice a month at most. The mom in me appears to be smarter than the addict in me. Plus, trust me they do not need one ounce of sugar or caffiene.  

I ran out of soda a few days ago and have just been too sick with this damn sinus infection to care. We have exactly two other things in this house to drink; water and milk. I hate water and I’m lactose intolerant. So in an effort to quench my thirst I decided to cut up the lone cucumber and throw it in a pitcher of water and ice. 


Not lying I love it. Really, like you couldnt tell. 🙂 Well I figured I’d look it up and see just what I’m drinking and it turns out that it does a butt load ( is that even an acceptable term) of really great stuff for you. I found some other things to try like pears, too. YUMMO!

So check this out. Some great benefits come from cucumbers. And if you don’t like cucumbers well there’s just something wrong with you. Not really but there are a lot of other really great combinations to try.  Take a look here for 50+ recipes organized by benefits. 

I cant wait to try many of these combinations. Who knows maybe I’ll even start to feel a little bit better overall. 

And Lord knows I could stand to lose more weight. That would just be a bonus at this point but nonetheless important. 

I’d love to hear if you try any and how they affected you. Feel free to drop a comment if you have tips or ideas to share.

 I’ll be honest, one of my favorite things about these water detox recipes is that they are literally so easy. I’ve tried some of the smoothie types and lets be real that is just a whole lotta work. Aint nobody got time for that.  Quick and easy, thats me. Well, thats how I like it. Oh boy, ok I’m just gonna stop there, you know what I meant. 

Stay refresshed friends. 


When your ex is a piece of…. 


Which unfortunately mine is,  it just really makes you feel even worse about the damage caused to those you love.  

If not for me my live-in boyfriend, aka hubs, wouldn’t be paying the ultimate price.  He is an incredibly hard working man who literally has no spare time for any of life’s enjoyments and no means to even enjoy them any way.  

His truck is falling apart one stupid bolt at a time and he has to fix/jerry-rig some damn thing at least once a week.  That truck is the most important tool in his arsenal.  As a contractor being without a truck pretty much makes work impossible.  

He’s had so many tools stolen from job sites and has had to replace them with cheaper,  more damaged tools bought from Craigslist or Facebook pages, just to save a few dollars and be able to finish a job.  

He literally has nothing to show for all his hard work and long hours. 

He provides for  five children and my mentally deranged disabled ass and rarely,  and I mean RARELY, complains.  He gets up super early and goes to work,  to return most nights,  MOST,  after 8pm to a house in turmoil and ruin with no dinner to be had, and goes to bed by 9pm only to do is all again tomorrow.  7 days a week.  

We just learned that he won’t even be receiving a Christmas bonus.  Which is just a serious slap in the face.  Most of the jobs he works on for this person are ill supplied with materials and extremely behind schedule and hubs pulls it all off seamlessly.  You’d think an iota of appreciate,  especially at Christmas,  would be given.  I know he’s hurt by it.  I’m hurt for him.  

Meanwhile my ex husband, aka POS, skates by in life unharmed by his failings.  He hasn’t paid child support in months.  And we all know he’s just going to win Christmas hero award as usual when we’ve struggled to get even a few measely gifts while still supplying electricity,  housing,  heat, and food.  

We don’t even want to be recognised so much as he just doesn’t deserve to be for doing absolutely zero.  I’ve never actually hated an actual person until these past 20 years or so and the literal hate is eating me up.  I’ve always hated many of his actions but lately it feels like I just have nothing but black hate in my heart and head for him.  

If it weren’t for my mistakes and failings in the past I doubt we’d be in the current situation we find ourselves.  If it weren’t for those mistakes and failings Hubs would be much more content and less depressed.  

If it weren’t for those mistakes and failings we never would’ve met.  

Which may or may not be a good thing depending on which one of us you ask.  


Trying to keep my Christmas spirit 

Fuck this shit..

Seriously I’m all set with this vertigo shit. 


It’s bullshit. 

So basically I’m just stuck on the couch cause it’s too damn difficult to function and not throw up.  

That’s what they say anyway.  Add another fucking pill to take.  Prednisone,  with a referral to an ENT.  

Seriously?  I don’t need this shit in my life.  I’ve got plenty to keep me busy.  

Yep and cause typing makes me wanna barf all over the place this dizzy bitch is going to sleep.  I hope.  

Let there be heat

Well technically it won’t be for another few days but the good news is the boiler was delivered and there is a plumber currently in my basement hacking the old system out. The bad news is the doggies are freaking out.  The whole house is shaking.  

But someday in the near future we will have heat.  



Any who… CHRISTMAS is almost here folks.  

..just survive.

It really is survival of the fittest and I am not fit.

Will there ever come a time when I do more than just survive? I want to live. I seek love and affection but in the same token I push it away.

I also want to rip someones head off at any given second. I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’m exhausted from all the anger. I’m exhausted from the chornic pain, depression, anxiety, and migraines.

I wasn’t always this person. fb_img_1472188936915.jpg


I used to be nice, calm, patient, happy, healthy, loving. Then the chronic pain and demons took over. My head is so dark and chaotic that I don’t even remember most days happening at all. I just literally have no recollection of any of the events that transpired.


Does that mean I am actually going crazy?

I’m so afraid that the rest of my life is going to continue this way. I fear that I am always going to be searching for relief from all this shit that has been consuming me.



Christmas Spirit

So with all this negativity and stress going on in my life and my constant efforts to alleviate both. I want to share some positive happenings over at  The Bloggess.

I am totally unable to give my kiddos any presents for Christmas this year. Money is just so non existent.

Some really amazing Santas from Jennys page have gifted my kiddos some presents. I am so moved. To have complete strangers ensure that my kids will have something to open on Christmas morning is just….INCREDIBLE. Thanks to these people my kids will have warm socks, books, a game, a movie on dvd, and a couple of stocking stuffers. They even went so far as to get a toy for the dogs and one for the cat. I’m beyond touched.

It isn’t easy to ask for help. NOT.ONE.BIT. Believe me when I say I have major anxiety from the second I submit my request. I hate it. I feel so ashamed and useless for not being able to provide for my kids.  But these people are nothing but encouraging. They truly want to help.

It makes my heart swell that there are still such giving, caring people in the world. I hope those who play Santa really know how much its appreciated. You keep the true meaning of Christmas alive for so many who have given up.

I long for the time when we are in a financial place to pay it forward and pay it forward we will. I can only imagine the insane rush from clicking on wish lists and sending gifts off. I so want to do that for others. I will. Someday I will be in a better place to be able to begin that family tradition. I pray its sooner rather than later.

I began this holiday season full of gusto. We decorated, and decorated, and decorated some more. We sang Christmas songs, we watched Christmas movies and I was insanely happy for a change.

Then it all went to shit and I became incredibly depressed and lost all hope.

Hope was restored by those wonderful, amazing, awesome Santas at the Seventh Annual James Garfield Miracle.

I am eternally grateful for you all.

I wish you all, Santas, askers, and especially Jenny a very Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone out there.

I wish you all enough.


Well color me surprised

So at 3pm this afternoon a boiler was delivered. Yay!

At 6pm three of the landlords goons, aka maintenance guys, showed up to bring it to the basement. With them was the kid, seriously like 20-ish, who claimed to be the plumber. UGH! He then tells me it will be Monday or Tuesday when he is able to return and install said boiler.


So we’re still looking at 3-4 more days until installation, then how long til the gas company can send a Master Plumber to inspect and connect the tanks? It wont be lickety split I can assure you that.

One of the electric heaters burnt out earlier today so Hubs had to go buy a new one. To be honest it works better than the one it replaced so that’s a bonus.

All this friggin stress caused a migraine to flare all friggin day. I was finally able to beat it into submission about an hour ago. I’m still stuck on the couch now from all the residual pain it caused in my body. Its literally exhausting. I hate it.wpid-wp-1442031335391.jpeg


I’m really trying to stay positive. I’m trying to keep the Christmas spirit alive. Its hard. My head is filled with so many dark thoughts. Its incredibly difficult to keep going, to keep fighting, when all I wanna do is give up. Trying to force positivity into my head is a constant battle.

Throwing in the towel is so much easier. Isnt it?

I never could. I never would. If it weren’t for my kids I would have a long time ago but they deserve so much better than that. They deserve a mom who can provide for them. A mom who doesn’t struggle just to get out of bed everyday, or one who can’t do a damn thing with them most days because of the chronic pain and migraines.

Will I ever get well? My biggest fear is that this is my life now. That this is here to stay for good. It just seems to get worse, more things keep happening and piling on.

I was hit with Vertigo last week and it was so awful. Doc says its here to stay. Much like kidney stones and pneumonia, once you get it you are prone to get it more often.

Of course the more things that add on and the more stress that is created just ends up making my depression and anxiety go through the roof. I’ve lost so many damn days, moments, memories because of all this shit.


I hate my brain. I hate my body. I just want to be well again.

Waiting, waiting, waiting ..

So the slumlord messaged yesterday saying the boiler was being delivered today.

Here I sit waiting waiting waiting while the temp continues to drop in my house. Its currently 50 degrees. Yes thats warmer than being outside but it is completely unacceptable to be 50 degrees inside of a persons home in the middle of December. Its too damn cold. I worked my ass off yesterday caulking gaps and holes around windows, doors and floors. My hubs came home and stuffed insulation into the unfinished window casings and stapled plastic to the them. It helped. I know it did. I’m sure it would actually be a helluva lot colder in here this morning if we hadn’t done that.

Bottom line is its still too damn cold to live like this. And its still completely unacceptable, not to mention illegal, for a land lord to rent a home without a proper working heating system.

I cannot even begin to express how fucking pissed off I am.

When does it end? I just want to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. This has been a long exhausting tunnel and I’m tired of traveling it.

The Saga Continues…

so..we moved into this wonderful awesome old colonial home in the Spring. It sat empty for 20 years prior and so has many quirky things that need fixing. One of those things is the boiler. A pretty important piece of the house wouldn’t you say? Especially when you live in New England and it gets damn cold in the Winter.

This is how you learn you have a complete slum lord on your hands.

December 15th still no boiler.

High temp for tomorrow is forecast at 9 degrees.

9 degrees is too fucking cold.

We currently have 5 electric heaters running. My electric bill has increased by $200/month to run them.

Today it is 26 degrees outside with high winds to cause it to feel like 8 degrees. In the rooms where the heaters are its no warmer than 59 degrees. INSIDE!!!

So long story short we are very likely going to have to invoke our tenant right of reasonable accommodations and move to a hotel until a new boiler is installed and the system is running. The only good news there is it will be on the landlords dime but its not so easy to live temporarily with a family of 7, two large dogs, and a cat. 😦

I have no idea how the hell we’ll even pull this off.

Oh I forgot to mention this would all happen with only my husbands pick up truck cause my suv is dead. 😦

AND…its Christmas in 10 days. I don’t want to spend our Christmas in a hotel.

I’m so overwhelmed.