Confused and alone

So this incident I mentioned in the last post has my anxiety through the roof. I’m still not ready to discuss the event but it’s shaken me to my core. My therapist says I need to give myself time.

I don’t feel like I have any time.
I feel completely lost.
I feel so..

My anxiety consumes me.
I can’t let the kids out of my sight.
I tried.
I couldn’t even go pee.

Therapist said that the kids involved weren’t affected the same as me. Which is good news. Great news. Right?

It felt better for a minute to hear that.
I still can’t let them out of my sight.

I can’t eat.
I can’t sleep.
I didn’t work all week. And now I have to call my boss and tell him I might not be able to come back for awhile. Therapist said that it was ok. It was ok to take the time I need to fix my family.

How much time will that be?
Why can’t it happen quickly?
Why can’t it happen now?

I’m so lost.
I felt a tear in the universe.
And it opened up and swallowed me whole.
I’m so lost floating around out there. So lost and broken and alone.

~Trying to stay sane~

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